New job

Sometimes things happen for a reason, yet I'm still not sure what that reason is. I had the chance to apply for two great job opportunities that I ended up refusing. The first one was my favorite: a Romance Language and Literature professor in an affluent liberal art college in Chicago. Why did I turn it down? Well, first of all, the application requirements including a statement concerning philosophy of life and personal convictions, an extensive cover letter, a new CV written in a certain way, three letters of recommendation, and transcripts for round one, and then if were to make it on to, a telephone interview and then more and more requirements for rounds four and five. Yes, I could have probably managed to get all the requirement documents, but in the end I didn't want to. My philosophy of life was not to take part in this process. Do I actually prefer floating in France to making something of myself in life? It's daunting because this job and it's process felt like I was applying for the position of army colonel or indentured servant instead of a tenure track position as language professor. That makes me want to run away and far. I will work for a school with all my might, but it will only be a job, and no one will own me. Plus, I also hate it when schools try to sell themselves with words like, exclusive, superior, and elite. That's not at all me either. And then again, I must say I didn't want to live in Chicago or in any of its suburbs. I see myself floating further south or east actually! Nevertheless, I do feel like I let a great opportunity slip away. There are so many ways that that position would have been awesome and perfect for me, endlessly more interesting than continuing my current existence. I'm going to kick myself, I am, but c'est la vie. I'm going to have to psychoanalyse myself big time. A friend told to write for an hour on what I see myself doing, being and having in the future. I'll do that soon right here, maybe it'll shed some light on who I am and how to structure my future. Gees.

The second job wasn't hard not to apply for. It was a very specific position in teaching theater at my alma mater. In many ways it would be great to live in Cincinnati again, for family and comfort, but I don't want to go back to my alma mater. That campus is my history, and I'm glad I'm out. I want to move on, not back. I am crystal clear about that, really I am, in spite of salary and position. Besides, theater is interesting but I don't necessarily want to limit myself to that.

One thing I've learned about myself by writing this post: If getting the dream job requires sacrifice, I won't have a dream job ever, even if this has the salary, the benefits, the freedom and the responsibilities I inevitably want. Sorry. Rontay