There is an event that occurs once in a while in one's expat life in France, with more or less regularity, that no one is ever sufficiently prepared for and almost never expecting. Nevertheless, it has happened before and will assuredly happen again and again as long as I remain in France. I'm no longer a "virgin" to it obviously, the first time does feel a bit like verbal rape, now I'm so familiar with it I know everything that will be said and how the scene will be played out.
Idiot dixit:
Wow, you are so lucky to be in France. I don't blame you for being here. Congratulations! This is a far greater country than yours. God, like where do you come from Ohio or something? Ups, that's where? hi hi hi. Well... I was in upstate New York for two weeks when I was 16. The family didn't even have a dining room. We ate that orange cheesy sauce thing with our fingers in front of the tv whenever we got hungry. No one had even heard of "salad". Salad? What is that? Really! In school they didn't learn anything at all except to say how much they loooove America and that guns and death penalty were so good. How can a people be so stupid, so impolite, so dirty, so.... Everybody there I met was extremely jealous of us French, cause, you know, we did invent civilization, good food and have been defending culture ever since the beginning of time. Can you believe no one knows the capital of France is Paris? They don't even know how great we are!!!! Or are appreciative!!!! At least, you know that don't you? don't you? That's why you're here! Oh my God! In America life revolves around the McDonald's in every town. That's why everyone is so overweight...... like you. Ha ha ha. Was it that orange cheese of yours? Too many beers? Is it true in your state your dad can marry your sister, and that most people are related in several ways and belong to religious cults......................... and this and that..........
However, the worst I ever heard was a few years ago when GWB was president and v.r. was rather more common. I'll certainly always remember it. A young lady, a talented artist, told me at an exhibition that the people of Louisiana deserved Hurricane Katrina, but she would have preferred it be even more destructive and be called "Hurricane Karima". Few things shock me, but that vr did.
My last verbal rape occurred on Tuesday night at a gathering of people at an event known as " The International Café of Friends", such a charming name of course. I must say it had been a long time. So here's some practical advice.... what does one do during a v.r.? My first reaction is to say,"yeah, actually we ARE a violent tribe of barbarians-", and then proceed to break every bone in his wretched body. "What did you expect....?" I never have given into this impulse because I'm sure the verbal rapist realizes I am far too much of a gentleman to do that. Another possibility is to retaliate by slamming France. Not a good idea as everyone else is implicitly on his side anyway or at the very least are not taking your side. In the past I tried correcting the perpetrator by promptly supplying names, places, statistics, sources to prove him wrong. I even studied up for it. Unfortunately, I always lost because obnoxious Frenchmen do not wish to broaden their minds nor change their opinions. Au contraire! Besides, in my experience, bystanders will never come to your rescue in any case scenario. The other choice is to grin and bear it, give slight resistence whenever possible and hope the attack will soon come to an end. Add no fuel and it will burn out quick. This is the easiest option available, of course; the one everyone is expecting of you but it's quite hard to swallow. On this occasion, however, I took the righteous indignation approach: "No. No. I will not discuss this with you not now, not ever. Next subject." Afterwards, I made a strong complaint to the club's organizer, called it "discrimination"- what it really is-- and said I would boycott the Tuesday event.
Needless to say, I do not object to objective criticism about the United States. Being myself one of the greatest critics of America, I welcome interesting discussion about the different social, cultural, economic or political aspects of American life. No American would mistake me for a patriot. However, I simply cannot tolerate blind hatred against an entire nation by impolite individuals claiming superiorty and yet demonstating they have little or no knowledge of what they are talking about.
What is the best reation to such a moron? Perhaps I haven't found it yet. Be warned, Americans moving to Europe! A verbal rape is as frequent as an earthquake in California. It is imminent. There will be one some day, but thankfully not every day or even every month. Hopefully it will be a light one.
RTAddendum: My rant is over. Writing blogs has proven to be a way of releasing hard feelings. For the Americans who may read this, come to France. There are far more reasons to join us over here. Most French people are open and welcoming. You may love it so much you'll end up staying for years like me.
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